dilemma

I am really lost in word. I really don't know what am i doing this few days. I know what i want yet i did not put in any effort. I am so disappointed in myself, til i broke down last night. I cried telling myself that i am useless. It really hurt so bad so bad last night. The same thing repeating my mind over again and over again. It hurt so badly. I nearly broke into tears right now again....
Perhaps, the word "KARMA" really do exist. I am a bitch such a bitch. I am really sorry about it, i did not want to hurt you too. No one knows, if i know this would be the outcome i would rather not talk to you in the first place. If only.

My life is really so so boring.
Last night, while i am studying half way i broke down and cried badly. My house, the woman ask me to go sleep she ask me to stop studying and being so depressed.
I really want to finish my math homework that time but she switch off my light and force me to sleep. But i am so proud of myself that i can finally balance a final account adjustment by myself, *clap for myself* .
This few nights been studying to quite late, i am quite happy that i manage to study especially this few night i manage to focus and concentrate. It's really time for me to wake up and start studying, no more in my lala land. Before it's too late and i regret again. I did not went netball training again on Friday, my mum was like asking me stop skipping CCA already. I agreed with her too, but i really want to step down soon.
Shall blog to here, need to prepare and go Far East Shopping Central(ORCHARD) for POA tuition soon.
I am extremely afraid that someone else, someone better and less complicated, would take you away from me. You’re all i think about, you’re all i wanna talk to. I constantly check my phone hoping that i got a text from you.