There's nothing left to say between us .

There's nothing left to say between us .

It's alright , i dont mind . Neither am i mad nor angry with you . But im glad that we clear things up , rather then paper over the cracks . I have told myself before too, no matter what happened i will keep one chin's up . Before you told me everything , i have already prepared for the worst to come . It was kind of a mistake from the start as it's way too harsh . But im glad you come clean and everything is alright now . I dont blame him from the start, because it take two hands to clap so it cant be possible all his fault . Im in the fault too, yes im . If i didnt trust in what he say , never talk to him , just ignore him this incident wont happened too. Me MYSELF know the best , KARHWEE everyone told you what type of guy is him . Is me the one didnt listen yet choose to trust him then others told me . Yes is my fault . You guys stop pushing the blame too him. He feel sorry too . Believing that he wont be the same but well it hurts again . Im fooled enough to believe his word and this is now all what he gave me . I wonder if you're sad in any ways too. You don't care if I'm crying, you wont care about how much you've hurt by what you've said and done. You don't seem to care anymore, but did you ask yourself why did you hold on from the start and yet not give up. I have many things to tell you but just can't speak my heart anymore, all i can say is i love you. Love is blind.
To be honest , i feel nothing during the first night when he told me those things. Im just like super normal , im like okay lo who cares , hahha , i didnt even fall for you and stuff . Yup , til tuesday night when he started to ignore me or didnt replied my text i realized that i miss him so much that my heart is aching . Yes i might be ironic or paranoid who cares , THIS IS ME . Tuesday night i thought of this, when the truth is told, everything else seems like a lie . Why is my heart aching now ? I know it didnt really began from the start . Reading our past conversations , memories flow through my mind . Im a moron believing everything that you told me , it's hurting me now the most not you . I know you don't miss talking to me . I'm such a nuisance . All i do is pester you .
HONESTLY SPEAKING I STILL THINK THIS IS NOT CALLED LOVE/LIKE IT'S SIMPLY INFATUATION .
Edwin been telling me you see you still deny , i was like no really is infatuation , without his sweet word i wont fall for him . Without my foolness and without my soft hearten heart i wont fall for him , i must learnt to be firm . Yesterday went out with him wanling and l.h . Im like so happy like and im like didnt though of him and yet went i home im back to square one , this is really bad really bad . Because edwin and wanling been making me laugh the whole outing . YUPP my aunt knock some sense in me asking me to let go and give up . Telling me such guy is really not worth at all . I even told my aunt and other i willing to change for him . My aunt ask me not to be so silly say im like wasting of my time to change for him as it's like totally not worth . My aunt say a guy who's a real and truly love you he will love you for who you are not and not saying you having bad point or not good enough for me .
My mum , i dont know the shit she know . She suddenly come and talk to me about relationship stuff last night .
MUM: girl , if you want find boyfriend is can . Find those guy like your school relief teacher , you see him so hardworking . Half way in his studies also come out to work and stuff and you doesnt need to find a rich or good looking boyfriend .
ME: HUH , WHAT !?!?
MUM: Not asking you to like him , im just asking to find a good guy not those ahbeng, who's just toying your feeling . Find someone who's good and suit you .
ME: err i know ...
MUM: and please know your limit . If you girl lose your virgin you will lost your whole life . Girl cant lose their first virgin to they marry .
ME: I know ...

My aunt told me my mum is actually quite not bad already it's like very good and she's very open minded and not like those close minded mum who dont even let their child have any relationship . Because my mum ever told my mum she want me be home early and stuff because she's afraid that i turn bad and mixed with bad company . My mum even told my aunt that she afraid that i anyhow do stuff outside . She told my aunt if im like 17/18 she dont even really want care me already . She won be so strict and if i doesnt have boyfriend she will also even ask me go find . After talking with my aunt . I told my aunt i realized that my mum fallen for my tutor . Because she's always using as a example and stuff . Telling me how good he's . My aunt say ya abit , because he's hard working quite looking and stuff . I was like alright ...
Be honest after last night i realized my parents actually quite awesome . They know i been pass relationship and stuff . they didnt even say so much , my mum even ask me once does that guy treat you good or not and let me his photo . I realized that my parents is just care concern and worry about me . alright .... i must cherish them , even me and their relationship been up and down but yeah overall they are still my parents right ...

Last night i told myself fighting my tears and telling myself to stay strong . How great the impact you've brought to my life . You can have a good heart to heart talk with some other girl , but why not me ? I am sure i'm feeling a thousand times worse than her . Who's the one who said we could remain as friends and why do you make me look like nothing but a sinner who does all wrong things ? I know that this is an end . I really wanna make an effort to pull us back together , but you don't want me to hold you back . I really want you to miss my presence . I wanna forget about the past . Why is it so beautiful ? Why did it become a contrast of present? I LASTLY you know what ? “We don’t talk anymore . And you know what the saddest part is? We used to talk everyday." I miss him. so terribly. this is hurting me even more . I'd rather go back to the past when those seemed to be hurting to strangers or typical people , but it's not to me as long as we're together .
Everyone asking telling me this " Let it go. What for hold on? "
You won't know how much i miss you :(